“Swedish Pokemon teens terrorized by laser-wielding sex pigs,” reads one headline. “Sex pigs halt traffic after laser attack on Pokémon teens,” screams another. I, however, see something else entirely. I see two Swedes having a romantic night out wearing pig masks and physicalizing their love for each other on public infrastructure. I see two Swedes in love.
It all started last Friday night in the town of Insjön, when two Pokémon Go-playing teens were accosted by a couple wearing rubber pigs’ masks who, according to the kids’ parents, “started screaming and waving a green laser.” This is otherwise known as a “classic Swedish ‘hello’”.
The teens, no doubt fearful of the love and vulnerability that comes from opening yourself up to another soul, and also probably the laser, ran away from the couple. The two laser-loving pigs were, thankfully, still able to find solace in one another’s embrace. According to Sweden’s The Local:
The masked shooters, who also wore T-shirts labeled ‘King’ and ‘Queen’, were next spotted by incredulous motorists as they had sex against the hamlet’s waterwheel.
Traffic backed up on the highway as some drivers slowed down and others clambered out of their cars to behold the bizarre spectacle, one motorist told the paper.
The police didn’t care so much about the traffic jam, she said, but officer Daniel Hagthorpe was concerned about the alleged laser attack and public sex.
Officer Hagthrope, you have nothing to fear. All we have here are two naked people in pig masks, attacking teens and engaging in coitus near an open highway. A perfect date night for two sex pigs in love.