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Before Paris Hilton's Sidekick was hacked, those trying to understand what exactly makes the Prada-clad hamster inside Hilton's head happily jog along its Swarovski-encrusted wheel were faced with an impossible task. But now that the secrets of the Sidekick have been spilled forth into the world, Fate has handed us a celebutante Rosetta Stone that may help us help us crack the code of What Makes Paris Run. When you stumble upon the Rosetta Stone, you don't tackle it all at once, you take it one line of cuneiform at a time. Some notes from this evolving study:

1) As many have since pointed out elsewhere and helpfully e-mailed us, the "Egplant Dike Ass" from Hilton's phonebook (whom Paris also clinches in a topless kiss in the photos) is Eglantina Zingg, an MTV Latin America VJ. We should've known that Paris's mysterious nickname for her pal would turn out to be painfully literal.

2) Following the e-mail address of a friend in the phonebook leads us to what may or may not be Hilton's MySpace profile, posted under the name "Baby Tink."

3) The inevitable, up-to-the-minute t-shirt has arrived, which Hilton herself will no doubt semi-ironically wear on the cover of a a magazine in the near future.

More decoding of the Celebutante Rosetta stone to follow.

Related: The Collected Works Of Paris Hilton’s Hacked Sidekick [Gawker]