Lucy Sykes and Euan Rellie, the last hot heterosexual man on Earth.
The Sykes family is the UK's answer to the Ronsons, only not annoying and with cooler voices. So when we heard Lucy Sykes and husband, Euan Rellie, were having a breakfast to celebrate her latest line of baby clothes, we immediately RSVP'd. And were uninvited by publicists. Then we RSVP'd again. And so on until they finally accepted. Since Village Voice photographer Jennifer Snow doesn't have work until 11 a.m. and special correspondent Noelle Hancock doesn't have work at all, we sent them over to eat, shoot, and leave. Headless children, triple-fisting, and Plum Sykes drinks Haterade after the jump.
For well-hung boys.
I have a long-held believe that friends don t let friends have children. Children, after all, are terrible people. Think about it: They re needy, whiny, self-centered, have retarded social skills, and basically bring nothing to the table of life beyond communicable diseases. Now, does that sound like someone you want to be friends with, let alone live with for 18 years? Hell, my roommate leaves those toothpaste speckles on the bathroom mirror and I consider that grounds for his eviction. However... Since this procreation thing really seems to be taking off, it has become necessary to clothe children to keep them from being naked and turning on Michael Jackson and R. Kelly. Enter Lucy Sykes Baby.
"Gonna dress you up in my love. All over, all over."
"The inspiration for my line came from having my own baby and loving the designers that I wear and not seeing the mini-me, mini-he thing in the market," Lucy Sykes tells Gawker. "I d see how amazing Euan would dress and I wanted to shrink it down so Heathcliff would wear the same sort of tailored tweed jackets.
Lucy Sykes and Leslie Jane Seymour, editor of Marie Claire, for whom we're currently writing an article and therefore, we'll not being saying anything snarky in this caption. Deal with it.
Euan demonstrates why humans really need three arms.
Now we don t have to buy overpriced baby clothes," Euan confides to Gawker. "We can just sell them! Reese Witherspoon and Kate Spade are just a few of the celebrities who've bought the aforementioned overpriced baby clothes. Well, it s not Gap," Lucy admits, "although I do love Gap and I certainly mix it with Gap
(I love how everyone hates on Gap and then tacks on the appendage but I still love Gap. It s become the new not that there s anything wrong with that. Let s be honest, people: Gap sucks a fatty — and smooshing Sarah Jessica Parker into all those ugly capris ain t gonna change that. But I digress.)
Alice Sykes. Like Lucy, but not.
The token Asian. Sigh.
Euan, if you recall, guest-starred in Toby Young s book, How to Lose Friends and Alienate People. I was the germ-phone roommate, although I don t think that s exactly accurate, he sniffed. I was there when most of this stuff happened, I was there when he told these stories to other people, when articles were written about it, and when the book came out. Every level it got more and more distorted and in the end very little of it resembled what actually happened. But, really, I love Toby. Everyone else hates him, but Lucy and I have spent quite a lot of time defending him."
Someone's feeling punchy! (it's the woman on the left)
Since the Low-Carb Movement, bread had become marginalized as "The Other," relegated to its own corner of the room, where it was only allowed to fraternize with the other wheat products. Coffee was soon labeled a "carb-lover" and went home to find a burning cross on its lawn.
"Have you ever been masturbating and suddenly wondered if your dead relatives were watching in disgust? Uh, me neither."
"Word to yo' motha."
Speaking of babies, who else thinks that if Aimee Mann ever produces a son, she should be required by law to name him "The"?
Not satisfied with the "talk to the hand" diss, Plum Sykes starts a new trend in hating known as "talk to the back."
Lucy's sister, Plum Sykes, arrives. I want to ask her how she feels about being portrayed by a skanked out 18-year-old (Lindsay Lohan) in the movie version of her roman a clef, Bergdorf Blondes. A quick question, Ms. Sykes? "No, I think not, Plum snaps, brushing past us. Gawker is mean to me. That s not true... beeyotch.
The chair openly taunts PETA.
Hollywould shoes creator Holly Dunlap consumes her final bites before Bikini Boot Camp.
Ilene Rosenzweig, husband, author, and reformed he-ho Rick Marin, and their baby Diego.
It wasn't the missing forehead that bothered Molly, it was his lack of interest in the arts. She knew then it would never work.
We asked Euan how he and his wife met. When I met Lucy, she was Toby girlfriend. After they broke up we became best friends for five years before we finally got together. What was that like? Making out for the first time was a bit weird. Not to go into the goriest of details " oh, please do but it s quite awkward taking your clothes off in front of your best friend, isn t it?
"I will never regret these puffy shoes."
The woman on the left just found out that the labels on refrigerator drawers don't mean shit.
Euan and Lucy — they're just like us!
Lucy and two friends discuss life's greatest mysteries. "Seriously, why were they friends with Screech?"
After an afternoon of Lucy Sykes Baby, I emerge reformed. Maybe babies are so bad. Besides, if I don't like mine, I'll just give them to my parents to raise like all the stray pets I used to bring home and then lose interest in. Yeah, baby!