This image was lost some time after publication.

• The original Cosmo girl, 83-year-old Helen Gurley Brown, wanted so badly to be on Ellen DeGeneres's talk show that she sent in an "audition tape" featuring her performing a choreographed dance to the best of Andrew Lloyd Webber. The adorable dinosaur even sported a leotard, but apparently that didn't arouse Ellen's libido. [Gatecrasher]
• Porn star Jessica Jaymes is attempting to sell a story of her sexual encounter with Jessica Simpson's pseudo-hubby Nick Lachey for $1 million. No one's interested, perhaps because no one's really surprised. [Page Six]
• Yoko Ono is pissed that Dateline NBC commemorated the 25th anniversary of husband John Lennon's death by devoting airtime to his killer, as opposed to promoting her new book. [R&M]
• In the latest GQ, Woman of the Year Jennifer Aniston lashes out at Page Six's Richard Johnson, saying his coverage of of her breakup with Brad Pitt "was just a game to him, this sick [expletive]." Aw, Jen — Johnson's not playing games. He takes his sick shit very seriously. [Page Six]
• Jake Gyllenhaal denies rumors that he used a body double for his meat-tastic role in Jarhead. We certainly hope he didn't, or else that'll destroy the imagery for our top 5 masturbatory fantasies. [Scoop (2nd item)]
• Jenna Jameson uses Strange days, people. [Lowdown (2nd item)]

[Image via New York Social Diary]