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No matter how hard we try, we can't quite connect the dots on a a joke that begins "Kate Moss and Lindsay Lohan walk into a bar" and finishes up with one of the two rubbing her nose and instructing the bartender to "put it on her bill." (One of them probably needs to be carrying a duck, but whatever.) Anyway, the facts of Gawker's real-life tale of troubled dynamic duo Lohan and Moss, on the loose together in NYC last night, is much better than anything we could come up with:

We hear that last night at about 11:30, none other than Lindsay Lohan and Kate Moss sauntered into the Dark Room during the Tarts of Pleasure DJ set. Apparently the BFFs were looking for a venue where they wouldn’t be noticed, so Last Year’s Favorite Blow Bar seemed an appropriate choice for two “recovered” drug users. The ladies stayed there for the remainder of the night (presumably because they love hanging out with folks like Carlos D and My Chemical Romance); over the course of the evening, Lohan expressed her fondness for Gang of Four while Moss laid low and acted model-like.

Here’s where it gets more interesting: While in the bathroom, Lohan allegedly asked if anyone had a Sharpie. A fellow patron actually happened to have one and handed it over to Lohan, who then used it to scrawl “Scarlett is a cunt” on the wall. Well done, Cap’n Discreet.

Whatever Lohan's beef with Scarlett (professional competition? some lingering Leto-related nastiness?), at least she was smart enough to scrawl her trash-talk on a bathroom wall, instead of going with the more legally problematic route of having her publicist plant a fake story about her rival in Page Six.

UPDATE: Gawker now has photographic evidence from the incident and the full text of the wall-note: "Scarlett is a bloody cunt / L / Peace and love / [illegible] / fucker."