Man has long grappled with the question of what to do with women once they step outside the sexually desirable age range of "eighteen" to twenty-six. They're around for some time after [fact-check this claim, please — Ed.], but why?
TIME magazine, concerned as its title suggests with the inexorable entropic flow of the universe, recently polled 15 men—15 heroes and freaks who push past our taboos and norms to date—yes, the same kind of "dating" to which you're accustomed—women over (!) 30.
"We've all heard the sobering statistics," TIME's article begins. No, not the rate at which a woman's outer shell crumbles after she blows out her 30th candle, or the average amount of bone-bones a man loses per 30+ female he sees dressed for work. The sobering statistics which we've all heard are the results a study from the Academy of Finland that found—after polling 12,000 Finns—men of all ages sexually preferred women in their mid-20s, while women preferred men their age or slightly older.
Time believes something is "fishy" about the data from Finland that they hand-picked and reproduced to lead their article. Time believes that some men—15 of them, or, if you're actually going to count, 14—can derive romantic pleasure from women who are past their sexual expiration date.
"They are more stable," says Solomon, a 29-year-old who just started dating elderly women "over 30." (They are more stable because they all need hip replacements.) A 50-year-old man named David said, of dating women who have managed to live past their mid-twenties, "We have similar life experiences and similar pop culture references. It's a little more comfortable." A keen observation, David; thank you.
An anonymous 49-year-old man, whose identity was being protected for fear of embarrassment, said, "Women over 30 have stopped putting metal through their lips and tongues which makes it easier to kiss them. And they've figured out their makeup routine so they won't keep you waiting as long when you're trying to get to an event." Of course, this catch is already seeing someone.
Gawker, too, is interested in sexual freaks and the weird kinds of shit they're into. We've polled 15 men who take it a step further—a step beyond the grave. Let's take a peek at what brings men past the rotting flesh of women in their 30s, all the way to the cold, empty chill of disgusting old ghosts.
Men in their 20s date women who are disgusting old ghosts because:
"They've seen it all."
- Jerry Ashford, 28 (dating multiple ghosts)
"Most girls my age are sort of clingy, but ghosts literally can't be. I like that."
-Lucas Poole, 27 (not single)
"A lot of 'living' girls I've dated are super career obsessed, which gets me down. Ghosts, though—I don't even think ghosts have jobs."
-Hunter Roland, 29 (single, looking for a serious ghost)
"I feel like she's always with me."
-Brian Healy, 23 (just started dating a ghost)
"There isn't a lot of bullshit with disgusting old ghosts. They know what they want—whether it's 'get out,' or 'help,' or whatever—and they ask for it. I really appreciate that."
-Max R., 29 (not single)
While men in their 30s who date disgusting old ghosts say:
"So much hotter than living chicks—seriously. It's just what I'm into."
-Carmine LaPorta, 32 (single)
"They give great advice."
-Teddy Giordano, 34 (nearly married to a disgusting old ghost)
"For me, it's never really been about 'is she living,' 'is she a ghost.' It's just about desire and mutual interests, etc. If I want to see a disgusting old ghost again, I want to see a disgusting old ghost again. It's really that simple."
-Miles Greenberg, 39 (single)
"Much better sex."
-Patrick Kemper, 36 (dating around)
Men in their 40s who date disgusting old female ghosts add:
"I like not knowing when she's watching me."
- James Wilson, 44 (single)
"I love staying in my own house with all of my own things. With a 'living' woman it's always like 'can't we ever stay at my place?' Wah, wah. 'I hate always having to pack a bag.' With a ghost, they always come to you."
- Patrick Fitzpatrick, 47 (divorced, dating)
"You can walk right through 'em."
-Joshua Duncan, 46 (long-term relationship)
And men in their 50s prefer dating women who are disgusting old ghosts because:
"I just love how sexually mature they are. They really know their bodies. Well, not 'bodies,' but you know. Hah."
- Adam Metzger, 55 (dating around)
"They're so spooky!"
- James Vogel, 52 (single)
"I'm basically a ghost anyway, so I feel more comfortable this way."
-Burt Columbus, 50 (dating)