There can only be one American Idol, the Fox singing contest often reminds us, and assuming for a moment you care about such things, this year is anyone's game. For example, resident studcake Ace Young was in last week's bottom three, while the excruciating, lisping musical stylings of Kevin Covais look to be with us for quite some time as he sails through each round with miraculous ease. Today, the LAT consults a group of "paranormal authorities" in order to sort through the hard-to-handicap fifth season:
Psychic Girl: My pick is Chris Daughtry, looking at the final 12. He has the most energy around him for the win...He had a past life that looks Roman and he had incredible strength. Looks like he was quite attractive too.
My order is: Winner — Kelly; number two — Taylor; number three — Paris; number four — Katherine. I am a little energy switched on Paris and Taylor, it could be reversed.
Nikki, Psychic to the Stars:
Katherine McPhee is the one I think is going to win. I feel strong about Katherine McPhee, and Mandisa too. I like her as well. And Ace Young. Those are the top three. [...] And Paula Abdul is going to change her hair color. [...] I also predict that I am going to Ellen Degeneres' show. I want to go on Ellen's show.
With their answers falling all over the psychic map, the methods of these gifted vessels leave us baffled and no better off than we were before their consultation. We're particularly annoyed at "Psychic to the Stars" Nikki, who chose to selfishly use her considerable divining capablilities to try to score an Ellen booking instead of focusing her powers on the task at hand. It looks like we're left to our crude but dependable Magic 8 Ball, which more often than not can be counted upon to answer our carefully worded Idol-related questions ("Is Ryan Seacrest rubbing Ace's shoulders too enthusiastically?...Is Paula Abdul batshit insane?") with a reliable "Signs point to yes."