"I think that I'm a modern bride because I'm a rare hybrid of old-fashioned priorities and progressive female empowerment," said Modern Bride of the Year Heather Warnken in the adorable video that won her that title. Mmm. Know what's extra empowering? Getting the 200 guests who you've invited to your destination wedding to buy "Honey Money" credits towards your honeymoon in Bora Bora! "With Heather in school, etc., unfortunately we're not really at the life juncture of copper cookware, roasters, and 400 count egyptian [sic] cotton sheets," Heather and her fiance Mike write on what has to be the most obnoxious wedding website of all time. "We are however, ready to take the sickest honeymoon of all time. ("sick" = awesome.)" Oh. my. God.

"We are registered with Starwood, where we have planned the honeymoon of our dreams! With your help, we can make it happen, and celebrate becoming Mr. & Mrs. Michael Vallarelli in style! But if you wait until right before the wedding or after...we may be up *%^'s creek!" Right now, Heather and Mike are a lot closer to shit creek than a white-sand beach, unfortunately: their generous guests have only contributed $800 so far, leaving H&M $8,450 shy of their goal with only 53 days left till the nups! Won't you pitch in for some "spa pampering" for these two fun kids? They lead "very stressful lives."