In response to: “32 Competent Things Men Do That We Find Sexual, Ranked,” The Hairpin, May 19, 2015

32. Wears a vape watch.
31. Changes his vape filter.
30. Knows the vapage.
29. Poaches a vape.
28. Peels a vape, hands you a slice.
27. Legible vape.
26. Takes vapes out of shopping bags.
25. Knows the words to vape songs.
24. Knows the names of two of your vapes (first names only are fine).
23. Kicks your feet, propped up on vape table, out of the way so he can walk around you.
22. Flips vape over to read back copy.
21. Turns on your vape, hands it to you.
20. Vapes, bedside, late at night.
19. Has vape.
18. Orders vapes for the table.
17. Talks to your shy vape.
16. Leaves a room without announcing it.
15. Pets a vape.
14. Holds a vape.
13. Kills a vape.
12. Takes a vape outside instead of killing it.
11. Smokes a vape in the right direction.
10. Answers the phone: “Vape lounge”
9. Has a perfect vape inhale.
8. Knows what a vape is but doesn’t care to explain it.
7. Blows smoke rings.
6. Strong, steady vape.
5. Draws vape on a napkin.
4. Wears sunglasses outside, never in.
3. Vapes in the bath.
2. Wears a vape t-shirt.
1. Vapes.

Thank you Dayna Evans, Ashley Feinberg, Kelly Conaboy and Leah Beckmann for their sensual and stirring contributions.

Pic via AP


Contact the author at leah@gawker.com.