The New York Post ran a story this morning about a poor young lady named Courtney Holt, a 19-year-old Boston native (woot?), who is claiming she was subjected to cruel hazing rituals while pledging the Phi Epsilon sorority at Hofstra University. It's not a sorority, "it's a cult," she claimed. They bashed her head into a wall, they said they would "kill me and slit my throat." That sounds terrible. For reasons I can't quite go into, I once had a raving band of Long Island coeds trying to kill me, and it was pretty scary.* But! Not so, says the sorority. In an internal email sent out this morning to alumni, someone from the sorority claims that Holt was an angry drunk who was violent at bars, that her mother was a lunatic who is banned from the Hofstra campus, that she trashed people's rooms and called them "cunt." Dear me! Who's telling the truth? And more importantly, who's to blame for all these girls who have gone wild?? How about sororities in general. Or, even better, that filthy whore Miley Cyrus. That sounds nice and reactionary, right? Full ZOMG sorority email after the jump.

Dear Alumni,

With the media outburst this morning regarding one of our depledges, we wanted to inform all of you of what has been going on so you have the full story.

This past spring there was one depledge, Courtney Holt, who depledged after five days claiming she had family problems and that her mother was on drugs. After numerous spottings at the bar it became apparent that this girl was not only a liar but a problem, consistently harassing our sisters. The night the new girls, the Gamma Thetas, got in there was an altercation with her at the bar. One of her friends punched our President, Lauren [redacted] in the face causing our sisters to obviously react and throw her head into the wall. It was at this point, three weeks after she depledged, when she decided to press hazing charges against the sorority along with an 8 page report outlining some of the pledge program including the Sister Dinner, the sitting before FR, and FR itself. There was a full academic hearing conducted with administration and we were found NOT GUILTY and the sorority did not suffer any repercussions. This past Friday at happy hour there was another issue with her at the bar and one of the new girls found her room vandalized with all of her Phi Ep paraphernalia destroyed and "cunt" written on her wall. There was a report filed with public safety where Courtney Holt's mother caused a huge scene and verbally attacked one of the sisters. Her mother is now banned from Hofstra's campus.

As a result of the recent media frenzy we are in contact with an attorney as well as all publications to figure out what needs to be done to take further action. If you have any questions or feel free to e-mail me personally at or you can call me at (xxx) xxx-xxx. Feel free to also contact the President, Lauren at and the Vice President Jen at Thank you all for your continuous support.

*No that did not actually happen.