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Don't expect to roll mobb deep to the club with Hills star Spencer Pratt unless you're ready to spread around some serious cash, my friend. In his closely-read advice column in Radar this week, the boy wonder responds to a needy fan—whom we envision wearing a tight shirt and a year-round tan—who's in anguish over only being able to hit the town with five of his boys at a time. "You can't roll in anywhere with more than five guys holding your hand," he explains. How can he satisfy all of his other homeboys who want to hold his hand in the club? Spencer says: Money money money money, monnneeeeyyyyyyy:

You tell them that no hot club in L.A. is going to let two dudes in—let alone four or five—so you need to rotate trips to L.A. unless you don't mind partying at the non-exclusive clubs. Or tell them that they need to come with cash to offer the promoter or door person. If I was bouncing the door at a hot spot, five dudes would cost at least $500 dollars.

Uh, hey Spencer: if you were bouncing the door, people would just walk in for free with a hard glare.