Just when we thought we'd leave well-enough alone and let The Love Guru speak for itself on opening day, a pair of related developments stoked another confounded binge of concern around Defamer HQ. This morning came the film's first review in Variety, whose Brian Lowry offered an eyebrow-singeing, backhandedly optimistic pan forecasting Paramount's first flop of the summer:

The Love Guru is so relentlessly juvenile as to merit a new twist on the PG-13 rating — one that strongly cautions not only those under 13 but anyone much above it, too. ... Opening opposite Get Smart isn't ideal, but coupled with lingering affection for the Austin Powers series, this might just be dumb enough to at least hold its own.

After the jump, a reflective Mike Myers redoubts to Inside the Actors Studio to answer every question on Earth except the one about what went wrong.

That's not entirely true; he also spent more than two minutes eluding the simple query, "How do you productively wear so many hats?" The rambling, New Age-y reply could function as its own performance art if it wasn't so mortifying, which actually got us thinking: If we find out later that this whole Love Guru episode thing was just some post-ironic celebrity reinvention, we're going to be pissed.