Whenever you think you've truly gained access to an exclusive club of some sort-particularly in New York-think again, fool. There is always another inner sanctum far too exclusive to admit the likes of you. That was a great piece of wisdom passed down by Graydon Carter long ago, and confirmed in former Gawker-er Josh Stein's new article in Page Six Magazine, which takes a peek "Beyond the Velvet Rope" at the hottest spots in the hottest city where the hottest people go. And you want to know the even bigger secret? The most exclusive places in the city are just as boring as everywhere else you've ever been:

The Gramercy Park Hotel's super-exclusive private roof club:

The space consists of a few drawing rooms crammed with Damien Hirst paintings, ringed by a large terra cotta patio.

The Spotted Pig's super-exclusive third floor:

This exclusive apartment is ironically small and simple, housing a tiny open kitchen, a sofa, two long tables, and two fridges. 'One is stocked with beer,' says a regular.

Cipriani's super-exclusive upstairs:

In the words of one habitue, a 26-year-old model, it's filled with 'slimy guys who want to hang out with younger women.'

The super-exclusive "underground" club called Upstairs:

'Patrons ascend a set of stairs, walk down a graffiti-lined hallway past the bathrooms, and open a door into the club itself. It's really one of the least stylized nightclubs ever.' Upstairs is a sparse, cheaply furnished room with banquettes lining the wall and utilitarian lighting.

One day, baby. One day.

[Joshua David Stein]