Esquire's David Granger, you'll recall, secured a lone nomination in the National Magazine Awards this year thanks, reportedly, to lobbying by fellow Hearst editor Rosemary Ellis, of Good Housekeeping. No surprise, then, that Granger was all-too-happy to do a solid for another Hearst title, O, The Oprah Magazine, when editors there asked him to answer the question "Men! What Do You Like Most About Us [women]?" Granger's exuberant response (last item) is clearly intended to flatter O's middle-aged lady readers, which is fine, since that's half the point of these things. But the answers are so obviously terrible one almost wonders if it was written as parody. Did Granger hand this one off to a junior assistant or something? The four worst tips:
- "We love the way you smell right after you finish exercising." Mmmm, chilled gym sweat. It should really be bottled.
- "We love it when you argue with us about something - movies, sports, politics - that really doesn't matter." Pointless arguing — it's not just for sexless marriages any more!
- "We love the way you look when you're half-dressed or half-undressed." You can be half naked if you like. Or maybe you prefer half naked. Either way, David Granger is thrilled. And they say men are picky about how their partners look!
- "We love your certainty, even when you're sure we're wrong." Stubborn is especially sexy if you're also argumentative. And sweaty. And refusing to get more than half-naked.
Remember O readers: There's nothing "We" won't say we love about you, especially when "you" are anonymous readers and "we" are thousands of miles away and don't actually have to deal with any of the behaviors we claim are charming. Don't feel slighted — I'm sure the same sort of columns run in men's magazines all the time. Like, say, Esquire!