A couple of weeks ago, state officials issued a report indicating New York City may need a new area code in the near future. It seems phone numbers for the 718 and 347 area codes—which are in use in Brooklyn, Queens, Staten Island, and the Bronx—will run out by late 2011. Cindy Adams doesn't live in any of those boroughs (her apartment is a Park Avenue penthouse, thank you very much), but she's still outraged by the prospect: "Making someone get another area code is like making them move to the back of the bus. It's discrimination."
Not quite, but Adams does have her reasons for not wanting to see another area code introduced. It's hard to keep track of so many numbers, especially when you give everyone you meet a different age!
Who can remember all these combinations? ZIP code, area code, country code, office-desk number where you punch "5" or "12" or whatever, PIN number, ATM number, credit-card number, Social Security number, age, weight, real age, real weight, safe-deposit-box number, alarm-system number, bank-account number, home phone, office phone, car phone, cellphone, computer password, cellphone password.
And she's a little perplexed why people even need so many phones!
Another area code for what? So more 5-year-olds can put their own personal cellphones in their own pencil boxes to bring to Mommy-and-Me class? So more 25-year-olds can Twitter during a sit-down, black-tie dinner party? So more 35-year-olds can discuss their sex life aloud while walking on the street? So more 45-year-olds can annoy a whole theater when they don't turn off their brain cells and cellphones? So more 55-year-olds can text wives in Connecticut while fondling mistresses on an airplane bound for the Bahamas? So more 65-year-olds in a restaurant can ring their doctors to discuss intimate symptoms of burping, belching and whatevering while the waiter's serving your veal cutlet? So more 75-year-olds can actually pull out these toys and ask their grandchildren how does this newfangled f—-ing gadget work?
Actually, it might be because some people are so obsessed with their dogs these days that they're buying them cell phones. But we'll go ahead and assume that's one little luxury Adams' Yorkies have been denied up until now.