We have exciting year-end news for anyone tired of Gawker Media's steady encroachment upon your Defamer-savoring experience: We're breaking free from the mothership!

According to this report from a very reputable news source, Gawker is looking to turn us out like a teenager on the hard streets of Bangkok sell us to a third party, who might have better access to the high-voltage cattle-prods required to elicit the necessary daily output from your favorite ragtag group of cultural provocateurs.

We suppose this is the part in the pitch where we flaunt our impressive statistics, like anatomical measurements in a Craigslist Casual Encounters ad. But let's face it—everyone makes that crap up, anyway. Just take our word that what you see is what you get—and since our recent lap band surgery, what you see has never looked better! So no chubby chasers, OK? That's not our flavor anymore.

Interested parties whose fortunes were not affected by the Madoff Ponzi scheme should contact Gaby Darbyshire.

Happy cutthroat outbidding!

Your Raise-Needy Friends at Defamer