In your aspirational Monday media column: Jimmy Cayne's a rat bastard, Scottie McClellan spawns, Liz Smith groks the email, and newspapers do various sad things:

WSJ reporter Kate Kelly is writing a book on the fall of Bear Stearns. But hers isn't done yet. But another book on the fall of Bear Stearns, House of Cards by William D. Cohan, just came out. And Kelly was surprised to find that Cohan's book included a quote about her, from former Bear CEO Jimmy Cayne, who called her a "cunt... whose capability is zero." And Cohan didn't contact her in advance, so Kelly never had a chance to respond. She probably couldn't have been perfectly candid even if she did respond, so here you go, Kate: Jimmy Cayne is an asshole.

The Washington Post is folding its standalone business section into the main news section to cut costs, as other papers have done. Luckily there is little business news these days.

Former Bush roboflack Scottie McClellan just had a baby (his wife, actually)! Can you imagine what a flag-burning hippie this child will grow up to be, according to the standard model of anti-parent rebellion? Should be great.

Hmmm, former employees of the now-dead Rocky Mountain News want to start a new online news site—"But the launch will only take place if In Denver Times lines up 50,000 subscribers [at $4.99/ month] by April 23." In other words, the launch won't take place.

Octogenarian gossipmonger Liz Smith—who is now permanently employed by a website, full time—tells Intelligencer that she just recently learned how to use email. "I would still be writing with a feather if they'd let me," she joshed jokingly, the kidder. If you think about it email is actually way easier than writing with a feather, so what's the big deal?