Reports of Gabriel García Márquez's retirement have been greatly exaggerated, the ancient Colombian magical realist is complaining. Though his agent said he was done, García Márquez claims that he's always writing. Just not publishing.

"I'll know when the pastries that I have in the oven are ready for the eating," was his typically writerly answer to the publishing question. He also told Colombian newspaper El Tiempo, "I don't do anything but write." So, there you go. You'll eat his melancholy whore pastry when he's good and ready for you to eat his melancholy whore pastry.

And who can blame him for keeping with it, despite his advanced age? After all, most of will not have a second opportunity on Earth, so we may as well make the most of the first go-around.