It's all relative: Madonna's way less grounded than her ex; Vancouverites are higher than Britney Spears; Tina Fey is as folksy as her neighbor; and Michael Phelps isn't quite the drunkest clubber.

  • Michael Phelps was spotted at Marquee with four bottles of vodka, yelling "shots!" when M.I.A.'s song "Paper Planes" came on and making out with his cocktail waitress girlfriend, who he's apparently still with, thanks to a certain fundamental intellectual compatibility probably involving favorite sunglass and sunscreen brands. By the time the Olympic champion got to Tenjune around 2 a.m. the area around him smelled like weed.
  • At her new co-op, Tina Fey is apparently neighbors with herself imitating Sarah Palin. The neighbor described Fey: "Oh, she's fabulous! Not fancy-shmancy like Park Avenue, not glitzy like Fifth and not terminally hip like SoHo. She's just cozy folks." Cozy Folks is actually the name of Fey's forthcoming sitcom about an adorable Midwestern family transplanted to a Gotham apartment building, where they live next to a neurotic television writer. Hijinks ensue. [P6]
  • Victoria Floethe said she's tracked down the snitch who ratted out her affair with Michael Wolff to She won't say who that person is. But as punishment Floethe is going to tell her every last detail of every last time she had hot, moaning, sweaty sex with Michael Wolff. [P6]
  • Madonna's been crying on Guy Ritchie's shoulder about her thwarted bid to adopt that Malawi kid. Ritchie asked the singer why she couldn't focus on the children she already had. Then he remembered A-Rod and the Brazilian boytoy, the long line of spurned hometowns and friends and lovers and family members, and he suddenly had a moment of clarity, about Madonna. [Sun]
  • Peaches Geldof threw her shoe into a crowd at Bungalow 8 and a hit a woman. The woman's boyfriend then confronted Geldof, who later tried to have him arrested, possibly for throwing a glass. The cops went ahead and didn't do that. [Mirror]
  • Britney Spears objected to all the weed smoke at a concert in Vancouver and walked off stage for 40 minutes. Still, the crowd applauded. She ended her concert with "Don't smoke weed!" Still, the crowd applauded. It seems like Canada really has this "How to cope with a Britney Spears run-in" technique nailed: Smoke weed and applaud, constantly. [Sun]