Bow ties are so fetch, have you heard? Christina Binkley of the Wall Street Journal reports that everyone from David Beckham to the Jonas Brothers are wearing them.

Brooks Brothers is totally selling a lot, and that suave retailer isn't selling a lot of anything! They're the ultimate in pocket-protector chic, the perfect fashion accessory for a nation ruled by a nerd-in-chief.

Except: No. Just no. Even Tucker Carlson hasn't worn a bow tie since his sartorial embellishment figured in the epic beatdown Jon Stewart gave him. And the hero of Binkley's piece is some guy named Cooper Ray (above), who runs a site called Hello?

Binkley has been pushing bow ties for over a year now — a trend apparently driven by a single designer. In March 2008, she gushed over the ushers' bow ties at a Lanvin event: "My father-in-law wears them, and I like him, so maybe I'm partial." Full disclosure! Congratulations, Christina. For your ceaseless efforts to make bow ties happen, we now dub you the Gretchen Weiners of fashion reporting: