And we're not talking RBIs here, sports fans, we're talking inches. The gossip dowager is telling everyone what kind of bat Alex Rodriguez is playing with. Yes, we mean his penis!

In today's column she tells a story of some friends who spotted the Yankees star at The Foundry with his new flame Kate Hudson. Of course, one of her male friends ended up in the toilet with A-Rod and standing side-by-side.

Now, having seen Alex up close, I can tell you exactly about his face. Never having shared a urinal with him, I cannot tell you about his other varying parts. I am now told, however—and reliably so—that there are reasons he scores big in RBIs.

They don't call him A-Rod for nothing, folks. But what makes Cindy's source so reliable? What is he, like the tri-state area's formost expert on dick size? We have more faith in former Rodriguez flame, Madonna. Everyone knows she's a size queen.

Well, whoever Cindy's loose-lipped source is, we're pissed at him. Way to break the code, dude.