Yes, we know this is hard and we're very, very sorry to be saying this, but climate change has, according to some smarty-pants scientist, taken its toll our something we hold sacred: hops.
Czech climatologist Martin Mozny claims that a rise in air temperature has diminished the flavor-giving acidity of Saaz hops, a key, sanity-giving ingredient in pilsner lager. And things will only get worse.
It's not just Czech hops that are at stake here, says Francesco Tubiello, a crop specialist at the European Commission and a lead author of the agriculture chapter of the IPCC Fourth Assessment Report. "The famous hop-growing regions of eastern Germany and central Slovakia are facing the same situation," he says.
You see?! All the entire land of Europe has been endangered by the increased temperatures. And, more importantly, the world's drunks, who will now be forced to inebriate themselves with inferior alcoholic beverages, like rubbing alcohol, have no choice but to fight for survival.
This, friends, is an international tragedy. The only thing that could make us forget that we humans have destroyed our world is booze. And now that's gone. Someone, please, bring us a gun, for this life has become too ugly. Our symbolic amber waves of grain — or, more specifically, hops — have now been decimated. It's every man for himself, so arm yourselves. And bring a flask. You'll need it.
Image via defecto's flickr.