There is no wang. We repeat, there is no wang! Playgirl's seen the results of last week's photo shoot, and while there may be glimpses of Levi Johnston's baby maker, there is no full-frontal shot. Let the blame game begin!
Playgirl spokesman Daniel Nardicio has released a statement blaming Levi's manager Tank Jones. "He did not give 'full-frontal' as his manager Tank Jones reported he would. We're thrilled with the photos we got, and are confident people will love them. Although there may be glimpses, we did not get full on frontal nudity."
That is very sad news indeed. Playgirl had one job to do: get a photo of that famous hockey stick and it failed to do so. Maybe ironically-named photographer Gregory Weiner couldn't make an intimate connection with his model and convince him to bare all. Maybe Tank Jones was trying to keep him covered to protect his client's image. Maybe Levi just got shy at the last minute and couldn't go through with it.
Still, after all the hype Tank created about how "fearless" Levi is and how he was ready to show us everything, we feel very let down and a little bit lied to. Tank was totally the madam that said we would have the full run of all the girls in the house, but when we arrived, all we got was a scratchy hand job from a buck-toothed cross-eye in a closet.
That said, we still can't wait to see the pictures.
[Illustration by Steven Dressler]