Jenny Sanford's husband, South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, cheated on his wife with an Argentinean lover. Now, with his political career is in shambles, it's time for Jenny Sanford's star to shine bright! And make a decent buck, too.
The New York Times detailed Jenny Sanford's ongoing rise to prosperity through her husband's infidelity. The article is actually a cleverly disguised guide to capitalizing off of your cheating, no good, dirtball politician husband who didn't even care enough to cover his tracks.
Step 1: Book deal. Per the Times: "She is writing a memoir, "Staying True," to be released in April by Ballantine Books, about grappling with her husband's marital infidelity." Not unprecedented by any means, though, granted, Elizabeth Edwards has a slightly higher profile than Ms. Sanford in addition to, you know, cancer. Make sure your book touches on themes of survival and—yes—resilience. Make sure the everywoman can relate to your struggle, even though the reality of your wealth and privilege makes your story otherwise totally inaccessible to most people who've been through what you have. Dina McGreevy definitely did it right, though. I mean, that cover!
Step 2: Trademark that shit. Elizabeth Edwards and Hillary Clinton made a misstep here. Like the old Spaceballs line, moichendising! The Times notes that Jenny Sanford's taking the smart step of trademarking her name, so she can sell "clothing, mugs, 'other household items,' stickers, decals, notepads." I can't wait until Jenny Sanford's Locate-A-Husband GPS Tracker (Now With International Capabilities!) hits stores. She already missed Black Friday, but I've got faith she can get this bad boy out in time for Christmas, so wives may spy on their "bad boys" everywhere.
Step 3: Barbara Walters. Always Barbara Walters. If you don't get your catharsis on with Barbara Walters, you don't get your membership card. And take a guess who made this year's list of Babs' Ten Most Fascinating People. Hint: It's not the transvestite who "peed" on Adam Lambert. Sure, there are other ways to get on TV: if you're Brian Grazer's ex-wife, just rewrite The First Wives' Club as a USA mini-series. But did she make the Times today? Nope.
Step 4: Web Presence. Once you lock down THE_REAL_JENNY_SANFORD, get rid of those pesky fake Twitter accounts, verify your own, set up your own website, and get music recommendations via @ by Questlove, you'll know you've equipped yourself for electronic success. Be viral, be with the people. Or as Miss Sanford would have it: "She has set up a privately financed personal Web site, complete with news releases and photographs." Nice. Silda, we still await your Tweets anxiously, so you can throw down the subtle RT on free throws like this.
Step 5: Get into politics. You've already proven you can deal with both sleazeballs and scandal. Anyone who says you're not ready for politics is clearly a moron. And the best way to start: by endorsing the candidate who's going to win your Pussyhound Husband's position after his constituency gives that tail-chaser the boot. "[Sanford] has endorsed a candidate to succeed her husband, State Representative Nikki Haley, a Republican and the only woman in the race." Just like that, you come off as both a strong feminist and a dedicated party-line driver, setting yourself up for political support further down the road, when you....