Disgraced NYPD Police Commissioner/villain Bernard Kerik was this close to a gig under Dubya as Homeland Security Secretary. Now: he's getting ready to serve hard time for eight different fraud convictions. The emails that brought him down are now public.

These wonderful notes come to us via NBC New York, who culled them via U.S. District Court Judge Stephen Robinson by a request for public information after Kerik's guilty plea.

Long story short: Bernie Kerik withdrew his own nomination after being busted for an illegal immigrant nanny. Now, he's doing hard time for eight separate convictions. Kerik admitted to lying in these emails to the White House—of all people; apparently, even Bernie Kerik assumed the Bush administration to be that stupid—for failing to disclose who did and paid for renovations on his Riverdale digs, which, of course: the mob. But that old scoundrel Truth, it sets everything free, or in this case, puts Bernie Kerik, the jailer, the hand of justice, in prison.

Note the email domain from which Kerik sent this from: yes, that's beloved former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani's. [Photo via Getty Images/AFP]

These emails are actually out of order so you can get a better understanding of what's going on, here. These are the points Kerik was trying to make to Brian Besanceney, the White House spokesman at the time. He outlined all of the major issues, and even gave a big-up to Russ Buettner, the New York Times/New York Daily News reporter who beat this story into the ground with every major scoop on it. Judith Regan does not get thrown down for. And this bit of incriminating info:

Interstate Industrial, was run in part by Frank DiTommaso, who is referred to as "FD" in Kerik's email to the White House. Kerik lied when he wrote he had refused to accept renovation work from DiTommaso because "FD is doing business with the City."

Kerik gave the White House a time-line stating he paid tens of thousands of dollars himself for the renovation work. "Kerik pays the architect about $1200 and the contractor about $30,000 around over 8 months. Kerik spends other money on a fence outside and window work." But investigators have said that was just a fraction of the cost of the work that was actually done. Prosecutors said Kerik was broke at the time and he took the free work in exchange for helping the DiTommaso's lobby and try to secure contracts with the city.

And synthesized them into a wonderfully bizarre third-and-first person summary form. Neat, right?

Most of this shit turned out to be lies. Whoops!