Publicists have the best job ev-ar. They get to tell their clients how they should appear and then tell the press how their clients should appear to them. Like this one, who's trying to sell a woman's Shaq Sex story.

Animal New York's scoundrel-in-chief Bucky Turco was the recipient of correspondence by Nik Pressly of Hype Inc PR. Pressly's the "publicist" representing Dominica Wrestling, who claims she's had sex with Shaquille O'Neal. And because the only thing more impressive than a human capable of surviving sex with Shaquille O'Neal that isn't someone he's been married to is someone who has a black belt in Shaq-Fu, Pressly wants to get paid for her story (but more importantly, set the record straight). Bucky emailed Pressly, and got the number it'd cost for someone to pony up for this story: $5,000.

Five grand.
That's it.
That's "it."

The point is that either Pressly's a shitty publicist because he can only help this woman get $5,000 for her story, or he's a stellar publicist because he's valued her story at such a low, market-value price of "things most people don't really care about." Because they don't! Nobody cares about Shaq having sex, because I don't know, he's not in golf, and after Kobe, NBA players having sex scandals became kind of passe. Again, if she also had some kind of Shaq-Fu certification, and could share the secrets of Shaq-Fu with us, I might be willing to burrow into Nick's pockets. But if NBA players want instant press these days, they have to up the ante of pulling guns on each other in the locker room. Bottom line. Maybe someone should find a WMD in Tim Duncan's gym bag. That'd be neat.