...has produced the best wire report maybe ever. Johnny Weir has to stay in the Olympic Village with all the funky Eastern Europeans and people who don't speak awesome because he is being threatened by fur activists...for being fierce.
Johnny Weir is terrified of the same passionate furpeople who like to throw paint on catwalks and pie Michael Kors because Canada's full of crazies who show up to the Olympics that might wild out or something and who definitely send him crazy angry letters. Vogued Weir:
"All these crazy fur people definitely changed my mind. Security wise, staying in a hotel would be very difficult," Weir told reporters after turning up for an 0800 news conference sporting a striking red and white silk scarf looped around his neck and with his nails manicured.
That's an actual quote, with actual context ("a striking red and white silk scarf," Reuters?), from a wire report. And if you can't trust an Olympian whose style icons include Dr. Frank N. Furter and Liberace, who can you trust? Weir's actually switched to faux before after receiving death threats and the like, but never renounced the Real McCoy, and now appears to have crossed the threshold again. This man's safety must be protected.
"I decided to stay in the village and my team has made it as comfortable as possible. I don't want any outside influences to hurt my chances here. Even though I'm not always comfortable rooming with somebody or being in a communal village sort of situation, it's what I've got to deal with." The American figure skater had talked about staying in a hotel because he didn't enjoy his experience in the Olympic village four years ago.
Your passe, pedestrian, protie Olympic Villages simply aren't fab enough for Johnny Weir, bottom line. So instead Johnny Weir is rooming with Olympic Ice Dancer Tanith Belbin, who will help Weir do Weir things, like, I don't know, eat brunch? He's also spruced up his previously underwhelming pad:
The self-styled diva makes no secret of liking his own space and creature comforts but for the second Winter Games in succession, he has been forced to "rough it" — albeit in a room lit with scented candles and decorated with pink bath mats.
Weir is sharing a room with American ice dancer Tanith Belbin, which will feature "our icon," Lady Gaga, on the wall. "She needs to be there watching over us, protecting us," Weir said.
Our Lady of the Immaculate Penis will indeed protect you, Johnny. But all of this begs the question: What the fuck is the big deal on either side that this warrants death threats and/or standing your ground like Weir? Weir notes that fur activists find the Olympics prime time to get their cause out in the spotlight, and are capitalizing on Weir for their cause.
Well, yes. Exactly.
But on the other hand, Weir's got a significant bone to pick, and we're not talking about Lady Gaga's penis:
"There are humans dying everyday. There are thousands if not millions of homeless people in New York City. Look at what just happened in Haiti. I tend to focus my energy, if there is a cause, on humans. While that may be callous and bad of me, it's my choice."
While it's not the "eat it, bitches" I wanted to hear: well, yes. Exactly.
No, Johnny, they can't read your Poker Face, 'cause you're gonna keep rocking that fur, and in spite of the assholes putting death threats his way, can you blame him?
Tell 'em, girl. Requisite video of Johnny Walker/Lady Gaga fabulousness in action:
How can you not like this person?*
*I have no doubt some of you humorless awfuls will find a way. And for that, I'm sorry. For you.