The opening scene was in the big meeting room, which has green fabric chairs like a 1970s college library, and big bossman Jim Roberts was all "What's in the hopper, guys?" The Washington bureau got to go first so, speaking from one of those conference triangle magic phones, he was all "Blah blah blah, Healthcare, blah blah, I drive several Volvos." Everyone in New York nodded and felt smart. Then it was time for the lady in the corner to talk about a foreign election and no one listened and she felt sad and wanted to just run home and turn on the TV and watch Witness again while eating Teddy Grahams but it was early in the morning so she couldn't. Then everyone turned and laughed at the business editor's glasses because he's a silly guy and kept saying silly words like "Google" and "China." And then the meeting was over!
Jim Roberts went outside to the the newsroom to talk to another lady in a canned, stagey way. They kept saying each other's names, like people do in real conversation. "Yes, Jane, that is true." "I agree, John." "Thank you, Jane." It was almost like a scene from Tarzan, if Tarzan wore more blue collared shirts and had a clearly resentful simmering sexual tension with Jane the newslady. Then Jim mentioned someone named Sheryl and Jane got really jealous and wanted to go home and watch One Fine Day again and eat Melba Toasts, but she was at work and they were filming here, so she couldn't.
Eventually Jim left (to go home and watch Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade again and eat Nilla Wafers, because he can, because he's the boss) and Jane was left standing by herself alone, feeling kind of awkward. So she called up... Sheryl! It was a twist. They are what one would call "frenemies," if one was shipwrecked in 2003 (or was a Times trend reporter). So they talked more about various healthcares and Sheryl saw Jane's bright red power suit through the computer TV phone and wished she'd worn something spiffier than this brown suit that her sister Linda got her for her birthday last year. She wanted to run off down the White House lawn and go back to Arlington and curl up and watch Day of the Locust again while eating Ginger Snaps, but she didn't know how to turn off the tele-screen, so she couldn't.
After that conversation scene was over, a guy named Marcus talked to a reporter named Louise and they looked at each other with a deep, deep longing. Ouisie told Marky a story about mortgages in Arizona. She walked "door to door" talking to people about mortgages, and Marky pictured her hot under the desert sun, sweating through her blouse, and he wanted to go home and watch that video of her at the Christmas party last year where she was dancing under the big red stairs, while eating nothing, but he was talking to Ouisie right that very moment, so he couldn't.
In the end, the movers came and everyone had to leave the office and never come back.
Check back here every day for my recaps of this exciting new show, unless I am home watching Dolores Clairborne again while eating Carr's water table crackers. Which I will be.