Everyone knows the only thing people do with their cell phones is take weird sex pictures. When moms saw a man lurking around San Francisco's Mountain Lake Park apparently taking cell phone pics of their kids, they leaped into action.

Here's the email that was passed among parents' lists earlier this month, warning of the man in the PT Cruiser:

Please help spread the word to people you know in this neighborhood. I have seen this man 2 times at the lower playground at MLP. He does NOT have children and pretends like he does and is there to do pull ups. He takes pictures of the kids with his phone. He drives a silver PT cruiser and wears sunglasses. He takes pictures of BOTH boys and girls. He looks for kids that don't have care givers near by. I have not confronted him, but take Scout and stand next to him. He gets nervous and puts his phone away and eventually leaves. I personally believe that given the chance he might engage the kids and who knows what could happen....

Creepy! A worried mom snapped a cell phone picture of the guy and emailed it to the San Francisco Police Department. The local news ran a report on the SUSPICIOUS MAN. (We've blocked out his face for reasons you will soon learn.) The police met with 40 terrified members of the Friends of Mountain Lake Park. Soon, the SFPD were working overtime to keep kids safe from meeting some terrible fate in the back of the Mountain Lake Park Lurker's bulbous PT Cruiser of Doom. On April 23rd, SFist reported that "SFPD have been tracking the suspect, who was spotted yesterday at both Mountain Lake Park and outside several local schools." Oh no! That's where all the kids are!

But yesterday, the SFPD paid the guy a visit. Turns out he had no idea he was causing such a panic; he was just looking at his cell phone's stop watch to time his pull-ups. Police searched his computer and his cell phone and ran a background check; they found nothing. Today the police said: "I hope that the results of our investigation help to assuage any worries you have had about the safety of children in our community." Case closed!

Moral of the story: Don't exercise unless you want to be accused of being a pedophile.