Oh no! Illegal drug use in America has risen to the highest level since 2002, according to a government report, driven by increases in the use of marijuana, ecstasy, and methamphetamine. Here are some of the figures:

  • 21.8 million Americans (8.7 percent of the over-12 population) told survey takers that they'd used drugs in 2009, the highest (ha, ha) level since the survey was first taken in 2002
  • That's a nine percent increase in drug use
  • Marijuana, the most popular drug, rose in usage by eight percent
  • Ecstasy use rose by 37 percent
  • Meth use rose by 60 percent
  • Cocaine use has fallen 32 percent from its 2006 peak
  • Thinking about how weird your own voice sounds in your head when you're talking has risen in frequency by eight percent
  • Six out of ten teenagers are having a great time, no, really, the best time, and would like to touch your beard
  • There were more than 45 million intense conversations in the United States in 2009

Authorities believe that the increase in ecstasy use may stem from the end of an early-2000s "widespread public safety campaign to warn young people about the dangers of ecstasy as a party drug" (dangers including dehydration, ecstasy cut with harmful materials, and the possibility that one might enjoy one's self).

The increase in meth use is attributed to more meth "coming across the border with Mexico," according to Gil Kerlikowske, the director of the Office of National Drug Control Policy, while marijuana is seeing an increase in use thanks to "the focus of calling marijuana medicine," and also, because it gets you high.