Finally, a reason for science to exist: A researcher in Philadelphia (of course!) has discovered the single most effective cure for a hangover. And it's really pretty simple.
Coffee and aspirin. That's it! So much simpler than my current cures of "building a time machine and preventing myself from drinking the night before," and, if that fails, "staring at the wall until the day is over." This is all according to Thomas Jefferson University's Michael Oshinsky, who, no joke, gave rats hangovers:
Ethanol brings on headaches thanks to a chemical acetate it can produce and even low doses can affect some people more than others, said the study.
Professor Michael Oshinsky, of Thomas Jefferson University in Philadelphia, induced headaches in rats using small amounts of ethanol.
He then gave them doses of caffeine and anti-inflammatories to find it blocked the acetate and relieved the headaches.
Is this real? Well, it's science, so it has to be! But what does it mean?
For one thing, that dehydration isn't the cause of hangovers—the rats Oshinksy got drunk weren't dehydrated—so don't worry about coffee further dehydrating you. For another, all the weird cures your roommate is always trying to make you take—"A raw-egg-and-vodka wheatgrass shot? And I have to drink it from the opposite side of the glass? Are you sure about this?"—aren't even as effective as what your grandfather (and grandmother) were taking.
But, okay, okay, I know you have the best cure, no matter what this Oshinsky fraud says, and all you need is a pound of bacon, a single eagle feather, a willing human sacrifice, and DVDs of the second season of Battlestar Galactica. Please share it in the comments. For the betterment of mankind.