Breast exams! Einstein proof! Whisky power! Hair stratagems! Osteoporosis fracture! Baby obesity! Old plants! Healthy barbecues! And the mysterious mind of mankind! It's your Thursday Science Watch, where we watch science—or whatever you call it!

  • Breasts! Being examined! Ladies in their 40s want more breast exams. Awwww, yeah.
  • Breaking: Einstein was right about that whole "Theory of Relativity" thing. It only cost $750 million to confirm this. From now on let's just agree with scientific theories based on the wackiness of the scientist's hair, okay?
  • "Burning Waste From Whisky Production, a Scottish Energy Project Will Power 9,000 Homes." If the Scottish would stop drinking whisky, they could power all their homes. By getting a job.
  • There are lots of fancy new "stratagems" for curing baldness, but still none more reliable than the trusty can of spraypaint.
  • Osteoporosis drugs raise the risk of femur fractures. Uhhhh sorry so.... what's the fucking point? Couldn't think of a joke for that one.
  • Oh, okay, makes perfect sense: use of a baby bottle has been linked to obesity. Where the fuck else would the baby get all its food from, huh? Bottles are trouble: not just because that's where your fat baby drinks all its fat cream milk; but because that's where your husband drinks his gravy.
  • Equisetum is the oldest genus of land plant, over 100 million years old. You have to admit that it's still pretty boring though.
  • Barbecues in the park are good for your mental health, as long as you're barbecuing Prozac.
  • A new study says that men think about sleep and food as much as they think about sex. That's a stereotype of pizza nap fucking.

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