Is your child younger than two years old? Has your child ever caught a glimpse of your household television set in the "on" mode? Congratulations: you're raising a loser.

THAT is a highly sensationalized version of what the American Academy of Pediatrics now says, which is that kids under two should not be watching TV, period. What part of "period" do you not understand, Al Bundy? It's right here on the internet's leading parenting advice site, no TV for your babies.

However, the recommendations run counter to what most parents actually do. About 90 percent of parents say their kids younger than 2 watch some type of media, according to a 2007 study. By the age of 3, nearly one-third of kids have a TV in their bedrooms.

Let's see, all American parents are awful failures wiling to sacrifice their children's well being at the altar of "shut up so I can relax for five damn minutes." Got it. Fortunately, you're all so ambitious for your children that you'll ruin them in a totally different way by the time they reach high school. Ah, well. They couldn't have afforded college anyhow.

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