Haha, get ready, media-savvy internet readers, because the august New York Times, the Grey Lady, the Paper of Record, has written a whole story about big butts (bottoms). Can you imagine the jibes that online rascals without a care in the world for decorum will come up with about this one??? Someone hide the children, other than the ones who like big butts and cannot lie—we're butting into your business butt good, regarding large butts!

The New York Times reports that many mass transit agencies across America are widening seats.

Whew. Sorry to tickle your funny bone so hellaciously, but we just couldn't help it. Hope all you readers made it through our little wise-cracking festival without busting a gut—or your pants, in this case. Let's not hit rock bottom or bottom out here at the bottom of the page, or have a lo-bottom-y and forget about bottoms, and how much we like them. We don't want to ruin your butt-tention span, butt this is our job, to a-butt the news with butt-ery prose and anal-ysis. We now re-tush you to your regularly scheduled ass-gramming.

As always, women are to blame for this.

[Photo: Tony Alter/ Flickr]