Since Broadway is obsessed with bringing movies to the Great White Way, we thought we'd help them out with some suggestions. Back to the Future is a bad choice because, well, the time travel thing will suck on stage and you know it will just be a juke box musical full of songs from the '60s. Broadway already pilfered an '80s movie doing '60s-style songs with Hairspray and Jersey Boys just refuses to die, so we don't need another musical exploiting the era.
Otherwise, here are the movies I really want to see on the stage.
Highlights: The giant water fight scene, a miniature golf number, the Goldie Hawn character cussing out the teacher, putting a yacht on stage.
Difficulties: You're going to have to do something with those three awful children.
Sample Song Title: "I'm a Short, Fat Slut"
Adventures in Babysitting
Highlights: "And Then He Kissed Me" in front of the mirror at the beginning, dangling from the skyscraper at the end, a giant station wagon on stage, and a whole production number in the blues bar.
Difficulties: Again, annoying kids.
Sample Song Title: "Nobody Leaves This Place without Singing the Blues"
Highlights: A hot guy to play an oft-shirtless pizzaboy/male prostitute, a different song for every one of his clients, and a patter song about how his parents think he must be gay.
Difficulties: Trying to make male prostitution into a feel-good sentiment might be difficult, but not impossible, as this movie proved.
Sample Song Title: "Extra Anchovies"
Highlights: The Inigo Montoya sword fighting tap number, Wesley being tortured in a giant tree, storming the castle, fire shooting out of the stage in the crazy swamp. Just about everything, really.
Difficulties: This has been tried before and they couldn't get it together, so there must be a reason. It might have something to do with all the traveling necessary for the plot to work. But if they made Shrek: The Musical
Sample Song Title: "Have Fun Storming the Castle"
Highlights: This is a classic musical plot with a young underdog transformed by mistaken identity to come out on top. There's a great villain, a love story, and a colorful sidekick. Throw in Staten Island costumes, a few dresses with huge shoulder pads, and you have a hit. Know what? This is actually a really good fucking idea.
Difficulties: With an already long running time, after adding songs, it could become unwieldy.
Sample Song Title: "I Have a Mind for Business, and a Bod for Sin"
Coming to America
Highlights: An opening number at the African palace, a group number at McDowells, stunt casting Arsenio Hall to play the king.
Difficulties: Most of this takes place in shabby settings and no one wants to see that.
Sample Song Title: "Meet the Soul Glo Family"
Highlights: The plot is classic Broadway with a love story and a silly curse to bring a princess to life. The giant department store set would be great, so would a kickline of mannequins coming alive. Also: Hollywood!
Difficulties: There are only three main characters, so that's tough. Also, you can't do a montage on stage, so that would suck.
Sample Song Title: "Hooray for Hollywood"
Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead
Highlights: The fashion show that closes the night complete with an ice cream truck. Also the great villain and her henchman doing an evil number, and Rose doing a "Think Pink!" style song about uniforms. "The dishes are done, man."
Difficulties: Again, annoying kids. Oh, and this was made in 1991, so it's not even really an '80s movie.
Sample Song Title: "I'm Right on Top of That Rose"
Those are my suggestions, what do you guys want to see? Let us know in the comments (complete with song suggestions).