At last night's Melbourne stop on her Born This Way Ball tour, Lady Gaga debuted the song "Princess Die," and everything about it was ridiculous. "It's about some of the most deep and personal thoughts I've ever had and it's called ‘Princess Die. D-I-E. D…I…E," she announced, motioning to her Lisa Frank journal with a highway unicorn on its cover.

The first two lines are:

"Leave the coffin open when I go
Leave my pearls and lipstick on so everybody goes"

So that's weird, because she's dead. Is she trying to tell us something beyond, "Feel sorry for me while you pay me attention thus contributing to the thing that I'm more or less saying will kill me, i.e. fame?" Not that it's so straightforward: there is some self implication ("Lyin' down on famous knives so everybody sees"), wallowing ("I'm hungry from an anorexic heart") and enough pregnant pauses to make the whole thing an over-the-top exercise in melodrama set to somber piano tinkling. Instead of cramming gay anthems down our throats, she's inadvertently created one. This is utter camp.

"Bob your head for another dead blonde / Whose real prince is in heaven / She just wants to sleep," Lady Gaga says eulogizing herself. I think she needs a nap? In a way, I can see what she's going for here because if you're beloved enough to host your own funeral before you die, you should. Tremendous ego boost beyond your everyday pop-star adulation. In another way, if this woman actually thinks her career is killing her, she needs to quit. Go sit on a beach, Lady. Leave the dying to the mortals.