Taylor Swift, the girl in your AP U.S. History class who always turns around and asks you what grade you got, was totally spotted kissing Alexis' ex-boyfriend Conor Kennedy last weekend, and Alexis said she didn't care because she was with Logan now but then Amanda saw Alexis walk out of the bathroom with her eyes all red like she had been crying and it was so sad and everyone knows that Taylor gives boys BJs in the boiler room anyway so what does Conor even see in her?
The New York Daily News, an algebra teacher who demonstrates an almost uncomfortable investment in students' social lives, described the moment as "Taylor Swift's little kiss for Conor Kennedy."
Most news outlets emphasized the fact that Swift had been "caught" kissing Conor Kennedy, even though a recent decree by the king has rendered kissing illegal.
The couple was caught kissing and grabbing fingers on a dock in Hyannisport, Massachusetts, while everyone in the vicinity felt uncomfortable and wished they would stop.
The paper notes that Conor wore "a simple gray T-shirt," to the makeout session, which, while technically true, sort of implies that a 17-year-old boy said to himself, "Now, what is the best costume for the day? Perhaps this simple undershirt, of the softest heather gray," instead of just grabbing the nearest ratty T-shirt he could find that morning when he was getting dressed. Taylor Swift appeared in the role of an emaciated pin-up girl who had time traveled from the 1950s to lick food crumbs from the philtrums of America's elite.
According to The Daily News, the two have recently been spotted "enjoying pizza, beachside parties and boat outings" much like the halcyon opening montage of a Taylor Swift video right before the angry break-up chorus.