Was anyone even surprised when Kristen Stewart showed up to last night's Oscars ceremony hobbling on crutches, looking disheveled as all get out? Bedraggled disarray is just her natural state. Of course Charlize Theron wore Dior. Of course Kristen Stewart's arms were covered in mysterious bruises.
An infamous slouchy moperstein, it seemed plausible that Stewart came bearing external support not because she was injured, but because she no longer cared enough to remain upright for extended periods of time. You could picture her rolling up to the VMAs in a wheelchair; presenting "Favorite Videogame" at the Kids Choice Awards via satellite while hooked up to an IV drip.
According to backstage reports, Stewart ran into actress Anne Hathaway before presenting the award for Best Production Design and explained her injury with characteristic ebullience: "I'm an idiot."
Hathaway, playing the role of a loveable, relatable Liz Lemon-type that comes so naturally to her, responded (probably with a big theatre camp grin, playing it big for the folks in the back row) "Well, break a leg . . . Oops!"
Stewart reportedly also expressed concerns the cut would re-open when she forewent crutches to limp onstage with Daniel Radcliffe, adding yet another coating of blood to a stage already soaked with the blood of so many.
No word on why her arms were covered in the aforementioned yellowing bruises or why she didn't brush her hair.