Beloved New York day trip destination and shithole Coney Island was hit hard by Hurricane Sandy. Not to worry: Matt Chaban reports that, with the official opening of CONEY SUMMER 2013 FUCK YEAH CLAM STRIPS *VOMITS* just weeks away, the rebuilding effort has successfully rehabilitated the charming hellscape. Buildings, completely remodeled! Businesses, spiffed up! Rides, scrubbed and repainted! The very sand on the beach sifted for debris, leaving the beaches "cleaner than they probably have been in a century!"

It's all a little scary, frankly.

"There are a lot of words that people have used to describe Coney, and one of them is 'gritty,'" said Nicole Purmal, marketing manager for Luna Park. "There was a lot of water that literally washed away a lot of undesirable elements, and now paint is going onto a clean surface."

Well, that's a... somewhat disturbing way to put it.

Also coming to Coney Island this year: Applebee's.

[Crain's. Photo: David Reilly/ Flickr]