Amazon, the modern-day Moloch Machine that makes it perilously easy to buy a $75 Natalie Imbruglia single while blackout drunk, revealed a plan on Tuesday to remove the bleary-eyed middleman and bring the stupid juice directly to their customers’ doors.
In 60 minutes or less.
“Residents of Seattle, Bellevue, Redmond and Kirkland can now get one-hour delivery on tens of thousands of items like paper towels, wine, beer, chilled and frozen items like milk and ice cream, televisions and Kindle devices,” said Amazon in a press release.
Sure, sure, just regular “I need it within the hour” stuff like TVs, Kindles and oh yeah, fuckin’ boooooze.
Luckily, the service—called “Prime Now”—is currently only available to Seattle-area Prime members, but Amazon says it’s open to enabling impulsive drunks in other cities.
“Like with any product offering, we will evaluate customer response and if customers love the convenience of having alcohol delivered in under an hour right to their doors then we’ll look to expand the offering,” an Amazon spokesperson ominously told BuzzFeed News.
[Image via Shutterstock]