This week, God, who is good, demonstrated his disapproval of golf, which is bad, by opening up a series of big-ass sinkholes under Top of the Rock golf course near Branson, Missouri, including one spanning 80 feet across. In his infinite grace, no one was harmed.
According to “sinkhole expert” Doug Gouzie, the portals to Hell are likely the result of recent rainfall (an unknowable elemental force ultimately controlled by Our Father in heaven). From the Springfield News-Leader:
“Any time you see a big collapse with vertical walls, that quite possibly is the result of a cave below that collapsed.”
Recent heavy rains in the area likely played “a huge role” in the sinkhole’s formation, Gouzie said. Rain will flow downward, following cracks in the rock below, eventually working its way to the cave roof.
Rain will carry soil particles with it, eventually creating a small collapse that can grow into a very large one when the cave roof gives way.
Geological engineer Gary Pendergrass says filling the 7,000 cubic feet in holes—a brazen defiance of God’s will—would probably take “a week or two.”
“From our perspective it’s going to be great to know what is here,” owner Bass Pro Shops’ director of conservation told KOLR, ignoring a divine message that couldn’t be more clear if it was the words “GET OUT” written in blood on a clubhouse wall. “It could be spectacular.”