Once upon a time the forebears of Kate Middleton's family were all coalminers, roadsweepers, and prisoners. Today, their descendants are princesses and marshmallow salesmen. The potential impact of a diet rich in Vitamin E on your family's fortunes cannot be overstated.

CNN Money reports that one James Middleton, the younger brother of the most important Middleton, and also of Pippa, is now earning a good honest living the old fashioned way: By selling $26 boxes of marshmallows custom-printed with Instagram photos. BOOMF.

Boomf is the name of the start-up. According to its website, "Boomf is the sound of the mallows landing on your doormat," probably because your sister—the withering one—has thrown them there with an audible sigh, right after you handed them to her. What was she going to do, walk around carrying nine mallows all day? Where was she going to put them, exactly? Under her arm? In her small clutch, which is already packed to capacity with credit cards, cash, and various emergency documents that would be vital for her to have on hand in a crisis situation?

No, you don't know, but, then, it's not so much that you don't know as that you never even stopped to consider the real world ramifications of your handing her this cumbersome package of decorative marshmallows, because you never quite get beyond the "great idea" phase of any of your childish schemes. Anyway, thanks for the sugar cubes with blurry pictures of her famous husband printed on them. Maybe consider that a more useful gift might be you growing up? You're 27.

"Boomf" is the sound of your heart falling into your stomach.

Also according to its website, the gelatin from which "Boomf" are forged is porcine, rendering the product unsuitable for consumption by vegetarians, vegans, and pigs. The website further states that "Standard Boomf are not halal," which, perhaps erroneously, implies that "Standard Boomf" are a real world concept.

According to CNN Money, James Middleton "won't say" whether his nephew, Prince George, has eaten the marshmallows.

That's a nope.