Hey, we know it's the last season of Breaking Bad and all, still widely regarded the most satisfying show on television. But when your cable connection seems to be down right before a new episode is supposed to air on AMC, here is a list of semi-reasonable actions you may take to confront the situation and/or vent your personal frustration:
2) Punch a pillow.
3) Restart your cable box.
4) Text or call your neighbors to see if their cable is also down.
5) Eat a cookie defiantly.
7) Scream "Bitch!" in your best Jesse Pinkman impersonation, again and again and again.
8) Go to bed immediately, wake up very early, download the new episode on iTunes, and watch it before work. (AMC is one of the glorious cable channels that releases new episodes on iTunes around midnight PST/3am EST after they first air.)
9) Twitter-shame your local cable company, though that's pretty immature unless you're really funny about it and/or Richard Lawson.
10) Bombard your local cable company with inquiries and complaints, which might feasibly bring results.
Conversely, a few things YOU SHOULD NOT DO:
1) Stab someone.
2) Blame your significant other for walking on the wrong place on the floor, thereby screwing up the signal, and creating such a pointless fight that you both go to bed angrily and miss the show anyway.
3) Shoot your dog.
4) Shoot the neighbor's dog.
5) Fire a crossbow at a pizza-delivery man.
6) Hurl a Molotov Cocktail at a city councilor's office.
7) Throw your television out the window, at a pedestrian.
8) Troll Aaron Paul on Twitter because naturally, this is his fault.
9.) Punch a baby.
10.) PICK UP A TELEPHONIC DEVICE AND DIAL 911.
Unfortunately, a number of Connecticut residents did not get this self-evident memo. Last night around 9pm, when the local Cablevision service appeared to be down, the Fairfield Police Department became inundated with calls about the very life-threatening outage—so many calls that the department's social-media manager had to post a notice reminding citizens that misuse of 911 can result in an arrest:
Cablevision released a statement informing customers that there was a commercial power outage in its Norwalk facility. Service was restored around 11pm, after Breaking Bad first aired, but in time for the 11:35pm reshowing. The FPD has since deleted its Facebook post.
To contact the author of this post, email email@example.com.