I believe in the power of an almighty God who is both just and terrible in his wrath: America’s least favorite gathering of startup dorks on MDMA is swarming with a plague of nightmarish, biting bugs.
You may have seen the bug rumors on the internet. We are here to tell you that they are all true. Well maybe not all of the rumors, but the bugs are real. They’re everywhere. They bite. They crawl all over you. They get up and in you.
Twin Peaks, who’s leading the construction of the Center Café, was talking about how bad they are when she jumped a little and pulled her t-shirt away from her body. A good-sized green bug fell to the ground. It had crawled into her bra.
Metal Shop Heather wears a welding mask most of the day. Bugs have crawled up inside her visor and nestled around her eyes. Cammy and Stinger needed some help from the medical team to deal with the infestation; Stinger’s back was covered with nasty red welts from the bites.
What’s worse: being covered by crawling, gnawing bugs, or camping in the desert with someone named “Stinger”? It gets worse. The bugs are unstoppable:
What’s going on? We don’t know. We don’t know how the little critters survive in the heat and the sun. All we know is that if you pick up some wood, you’re likely to uncover hundreds or thousands of the things.
I’ll answer that question with this series of tweets depicting the Biblical horror of anyone who visits Burning Man 2015:
Bugs on the playa this year. Not normal. Shouldn't a dust storm knock them out? Like Burningman wasn't gross enough. pic.twitter.com/pkLrdUy25q— khloe morris (@khloestarr) August 18, 2015
It’s going to take a lot mescaline to cancel this out.