[LOCATION: VIRGINIA. DONALD TRUMP IS CAMPAIGNING FOR PRESIDENT. HE ADDRESSES THE CROWD IN HIS TRADEMARK STYLE, ONLY TO BE INTERRUPTED BY A SQUALLING INFANT.]
Trump: Don’t worry about that baby, I love babies. I love babies. I hear that baby crying. I like it. What a baby, what a beautiful baby. Don’t worry, don’t worry. The mom’s running around—don’t worry about it, you know. It’s young and beautiful and healthy and that’s what we want.
[THE BABY KEEPS CRYING]
Trump: Actually, I was only kidding. You can get the baby out of here. That’s alright. Don’t worry. I think she really believed me that I love having a baby crying while I’m speaking?! That’s okay, people don’t understand. That’s okay.
Just kidding—ya fuckin’ idiot.