"Now the time is here / For [bronze Lucy] to spread fear / Vengeance from the grave / [Spooks] the people [she] once saved"
Like Black Sabbath's Iron Man before her, a statue of Lucille Ball meant to be the salvation of her people has instead become their greatest enemy, terrorizing the helpless populace of Celoron, New York.
On Thursday, Celeron Mayor Scott Schrecengost told The Post-Journal that replacing the head of the Vitameatavegamin-soaked statue would cost up to $10,000, but the comedy golem's critics appear unwilling to accept such half-measures.
"What they are planning on doing is to take the head off and put a new one on! CRAZY!" wrote "We Love Lucy! Get Rid of this Statue" on Facebook Saturday. "Once again, I urge people to NOT DONATE TO ANY FUND TO REPAIR THIS STATUE, but to wait until a proper fund has been set up to get a NEW STATUE."