It's impossible to get a sexually transmitted infection through "biblically correct sex," according to a new study from reliable scientific source Dr. That Homophobic Idiot with the Beard from Duck Dynasty No the Other One.
"Biblically correct sex is safe. It's safe. You're not going to get chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, AIDS — if you, if a man marries a woman, and neither of you have it, and you keep your sex between the two of you, you're not going to get EVER sexually transmitted diseases."
"Man meets woman, marries her, keeps his sex right there, the children come, the chances of them getting a sexually transmitted disease, would you say is almost zero? You can say it," continued the professional TV duck hunter and respected member of the research community.
If there were any non-sexual way to get one of these infections, Phil would certainly have heard about it.
"The organisms causing STIs can also be spread through non-sexual means such as blood products and tissue transfer. Many STIs—including chlamydia, gonorrhoea, hepatitis B, HIV, HPV, HSV2 and syphilis—can also be transmitted from mother to child during pregnancy and childbirth," according to the World Health Organization, which does not have a popular reality television show at this time.
But bringing that up is only for the "masters of exceptions," Phil says. That stuff never happens in real life.