Even more sad news out of Two and a Half Men, a halfway house for the criminally insane: Jon Cryer—arguably the most well-adjusted of the group, whatever that means—once turned to Charlie Sheen for help hiring prostitutes because he was "an emotional basket case" over his divorce.
The revelation comes from an excerpt from Cryer's new book—marketed as the "inside, insane account" of "Charlie Sheen's meltdown." Though, it might be better titled the "inside, mundane account" of "a man living what might charitably be termed 'the opposite of his best life.'"
I was in a bad state right after my divorce, and I certainly didn't feel dateable. I was an emotional basket case. What good was I to any woman I might have interest in? I decided I might as well pay someone for company and certain intimate pleasures so that I could at least get my equilibrium back with the opposite sex. Charlie suggested a few online purveyors he used, as this was when prostitution was gaining a foothold on the Internet.
My forays into prostitution were about as awkward as you might imagine. I went with an out-call for my first try, which means they come over to your house. My chosen vendor drove a white BMW and sported a sexy Finnish accent. It was really a very friendly experience, maybe because the act of having sex is quite the conversational icebreaker. The next time, I went to her place, which probably wasn't really her place. We sat down, tried to make small talk and halfheartedly stumbled into a conversation about recent fluctuations in the stock market. Somehow I ended up spending 25 minutes of my hour helping her with financial planning.
If Charlie's example of his evening's entertainment was best exemplified by a snapshot of lady parts, mine would be a picture of me hunched over a table of papers and telling a hot lady, "The real estate boom is building, you need to diversify."
On brand, to be sure, but jesus. Did Chuck Lorre break all of them?