Some of you who have successfully reached middle age and feel the yearning for a new sense of adventure in life may be considering purchasing a motorcycle. Before you do, consider this FACT: you will die.
You'll get that beautiful chopper, you'll take it out on the open road, you'll open up that throttle and feel the wind in your hair and a heart-bursting sense of freedom and declare that you've never felt more alive. Then you'll get distracted or hit a pebble or feel a momentary wobble in your front wheel driving over some oil and before you even know what's happening you're sliding along the asphalt right into a fucking guardrail and you're dead. DEAD, STEVE.
You were an accountant, Steve. Not a god damn Hells Angel.
Imagine your wife explaining your sudden, violent death to all of your family friends. "I didn't even know he rode motorcycles," they'll say. Yeah, you rode a motorcycle—right into the afterlife, my man.
Was it worth it?
Don't take my word for it. Look at the cold hard facts: old folks like you are going out and buying motorcycles and then launching themselves over the handlebars and straight into hell, now more than ever. From the Wall Street Journal:
Though the overall U.S. motorcycle toll appears to have leveled off in recent years, deaths have risen among older riders as more of them hit the road. Those 55- to 64-years-old accounted for 16.3% of motorcycle crash deaths in 2013, the latest year for which that breakdown is available. That was down from 17.2% in 2012 but up from 9.3% a decade earlier and less than 3% in the early 1990s.
That Harley sure is handsome. That Triumph sure is grand. That Kawasaki sure is fast. You've worked hard, done all the right things, and reached middle age. Don't you owe it to yourself to have a little fun once again?
Sure. Until you die. Because you will—die, that is (on a motorcycle, gruesomely).