Ben Affleck's is a decent dick, from what I could tell.
And so it is, in a blink-or-miss it flash well into the movie's third act, I discovered at last night's all-media screening of the movie for journalists. I waited and waited for that dick and, at one point, I turned to my friend/screening companion Nolan* and said, "Did I miss it?" And then I started to panic. Did we both miss it? Was it removed from the final cut? Would I ever get to see Ben Affleck's dick?!?
Finally, it came. It's on screen for no longer than a second, and it's a dark scene with the kind of blue hue that director David Fincher often uses. The camera swings around from Affleck's ass to reveal...something. The dick sits under what looked like a ball of pubic hair from the '70s, and it's shrouded in a shadow. It's soft, obviously. I don't think you see the head because of the way it's framed. It looks like it could be five inches or ten inches. Who knows? The reveal of Ben Affleck's dick is the definition of a cock tease. You're given just enough to want more.
I felt like I was having one of those migraines where parts of your vision just disappear. I could not pay attention to what anyone said in the scene because my head was still reeling from the dick. I had to rely in part on the opinion of Nolan, who is probably more of a dick aficionado than I am, which is saying something. He described himself as "impressed."
"I definitely saw length and girth," said Nolan. "He's a big guy, and from what I can tell, he's got a big, circumcised dick. Give it a couple of weeks when it's screen-shot-able. The proof will be in the pudding."
In the meantime, Nolan said Affleck's dick reminded him of that of Samantha's neighbor Dante (Gilles Marini) in the Sex and the City movie. So this, in our best estimate, is what Ben Affleck's dick looks like:
Maybe even more interesting is that Ben Affleck's entire midsection isn't shown in the movie. Though the dick-reveal scene is technically a nude scene, you only see the upper part of his pecs (above the nipples). We never get a look at his belly. The mysteries of Ben Affleck's body just keep piling up.
*Not Hamilton. Nolan is my friend's first name. I've never talked about dicks with Hamilton Nolan, so I don't know the extent of his expertise.
[ Top image via AP]